What a whirlwind. We’re finishing up Week 5 of our water-themed, English-focused summer school. On a scale of “tired” to “bone-weary”, I’ve surpassed all normal exhaustion levels and moved into the “fatigue” arena. Most mornings, I wake up all fuzzy-brained and achy. I don’t feel like my Spanish (or my English) make any sense whatsoever. On top of that, my own little tornadoes (Noah and Leyton) need so much attention at this stage of life – I am constantly chasing them, attempting to keep them from demolishing everything they touch. Either that, or I’m feeling guilty for putting them to sleep in their cyclone of a room because I literally don’t have the strength to pick up every toy they own for the fifth time that day.
Sometimes I feel discouraged. Ok, scratch that. Most of the time, I feel discouraged. I get so drained from sending the same kids to the time-out corner in kindergarten. There are days that I am positive not one single word I belt out actually “sticks” in their brains. I hate that I don’t get to spend the amount of time I want to learning about each of their likes and dislikes and family life and social circles.
Frustration levels are through the roof. My computer just died a terrible death. We think we’ll be able to salvage the 2+ years of photos I never backed up. (Smart, Ang. Real smart.) If that file rescue doesn’t happen, I don’t want to think about the countless hours of lost research and planning and documents that I had prepared – for kindergarten alone. Today, the power company cut our lights because the last tenants didn’t pay a ginormous bill. Thankfully, we’re stealing internet from our missionary friends. We’ve dropped a power cord down from their third story apartment to keep our fridge running. Welcome to mornings with cold showers and nights without fans. In other news, our jeep is with the mechanic – again. C’mon now. Wasn’t it just in the shop last week? (We missionaries get all giddy inside when we go a month without a car repair.)
There is no good conclusion here. Scott and I – we’re just tired. And discouraged. And frustrated. And maybe we’re complaining a little bit. In our minds, we know that the physical and mental and emotional exhaustion is temporary. We understand that if we let Him, God can use these little hardships to grow us in our relationships with Him. We realize that we are so blessed to have our home churches and families and friends encouraging us through visits and financial support. But in the middle of the difficulties, it’s hard to see the trials for what they are – more opportunities to allow God be lifted up in our lives.
If you think of it, we could use a little extra prayer tonight. We don’t just want to “grin and bear it.” Somehow, we want our Savior to be glorified in the middle of the mess.
But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
(Update: more extension cords are now running through our house – we have airflow! Praise Jesus.)
10 thoughts on “This Started Out as an Update about Summer School…”
Thanks for your honesty and sharing. I think it’s really good when Christians (and anybody) are honest about how they are feeling. Discouragement happens to all of us and it sounds like you all have many challenges facing you right now. I’m praying peace and strength are LAVISHED on you right now. Discouragement is temporary, and I’m so glad… I feel stuck and then all of the sudden… I’m unstuck! You too will get there, the light will shine through and joy will flow. In the meantime- your honesty is refreshing and honoring to the Lord. Praying for you now.
Isnt that the truth, Jen? In the moment, the difficulties always seem so… well, difficult! Heh. One thing we’ve been learning this summer: as Christians, we’re actually called to hardship. We don’t want to always try to get out from under it, but instead ask the Lord if there is anything He wants to teach us through the pain. We are so thankful that God has seen fit to place us here for this time. Thank you for the prayers! Keep them coming!
praying for you both!
Thank you, John!
this is such a great reminder, Ang. Keep up the good work! I’m praying for you guys!
Thanks, Jesse! Those prayers mean the world to us! So excited for the new adventure you and your gal are about to embark on! Think of you guys often.
I’m not sure if u even remember me from CU but I remember you! I always thought of you as the kindest, funniest person. Our paths only crossed a few times in a few classes but you made a good, lasting impression on me! So even though you may feel like your words are falling on deaf ears….people do notice you and I know they will remember you for your strong faith bc I sure do! I will be praying for you and your family…that God will refresh your spirit and give you the strength you need to do His work. Thank you for your humble honesty and reaching out for prayer. Living In a culture that prides itself on outward appearance, your humility has encouraged me. Keep fighting for our God.
Your sister in Christ,
Stephanie (Bollman) Lauer
Hey Stephanie! Of course I remember you! You also made an impression on me while we were at CU. Thanks so much for the comment and kind words! What an absolute blessing to have so many people lifting us up in prayer. God has been teaching me recently that life isn’t all about me – it’s been painful to see how prideful I really am. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to ask people to pray for us. I guess it’s that whole idea you touched on – of not wanting other people to know that there is a lot of junk going on in our lives and that it’s just plain tough sometimes. Again, thank you for the continued prayers and for your sweet spirit!
I witnessed the good work you are doing. You really do care for them. Not one of them said wa-wa-water, they all yelled aqua then water every time we went over a puddle. LOL Sorry things are hard for you. Hang in there. HUGS
Carolyn! Thanks for your comment – and thank you for finding ways to make us smile and laugh every day you were here! You have such a spunky, honest, positive outlook on life, and we hope that you come back again soon! We appreciate your encouragement! You and your church family are very giving and loving, and Freedom and all of us missionaries are blessed by you!