Do you ever have those moments where you wonder, “Does my life actually have any kind of purpose? Is any of this even worth it?”
It’s probably not kosher for a missionary to admit, but over the last 9 years, I’ve asked myself, “What in the world am I doing?” more than I care to count. I’ve experienced a thousand and one occasions where I’ve absolutely wanted to throw in the towel and call it quits.
Yet at the end of the day, something – Someone – always pulls me back.
Tonight, it happened as I was sifting through months and months of old photos. I sat at my desk and reacquainted myself with a million precious memories from years gone by. And kind of like those weeks after childbirth, the painful remembrances started falling away, leaving these golden moments, split seconds of goodness forever frozen in time. Each photo roars back at me a resounding “YES!” It is absolutely worth it all!
I loved my bygone mornings of quickly chugging fresh coffee made by Marielis’ mom at our Cabeza bus stop
It was special to watch this little one share the Good News with this older gentlemen as she explained the gospel meaning of each of her colored beads on her bracelet
Talking to Reynabel about how to be a good gal at school – and watching the wheels turn as she considered whether or not it would be a good idea to obey. 🙂
Praise the Lord! Despite each moment of weariness, disappointment, injustice, frustration, loneliness, confusion, sadness, and pain, He is worth it all!
Oft times the day seems long, our trials hard to bear, We’re tempted to complain, to murmur and despair; But Christ will soon appear to catch His Bride away, All tears forever over in God’s eternal day.
It will be worth it all when we see Jesus, Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ; One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase, So bravely run the race till we see Christ.
Sometimes the sky looks dark with not a ray of light, We’re tossed and driven on, no human help in sight; But there is one in heav’n who knows our deepest care, Let Jesus solve your problem – just go to Him in pray’r.
Life’s day will soon be o’er, all storms forever past, We’ll cross the great divide, to glory, safe at last; And we’ll all share the joys of heav’n – a harp, a home, a crown, The tempter will be banished, we’ll lay our burden down.
It will be worth it all when we see Jesus, Life’s trials will seem so small when we see Christ; One glimpse of His dear face all sorrow will erase, So bravely run the race till we see Christ.
We’ve been in the DR almost 9 years. In the beginning, our days were so very full. We were learning a new culture and a new language. We were teaching in the villages. We were fixing up a house and welcoming a teenager into our home. And we were trying to keep our own 2-year-old and 5-month-old alive. I’m genuinely thankful for that busy stage, but one of the things I felt like I had to sacrifice was reading.
As we enter another busy season with new roles here at Freedom, I’ve found that the reading time I crave just isn’t as available. I’m fighting for it, for sure. But I’m also trying to remember that my personal wants and desires aren’t king. I’m a bit behind in meeting my 24 book goal, but here are my finished reads so far in 2021.
One year ago, I purchased The Splendid and the Vile on my Kindle but didn’t open it til last fall. As I finished it up just this March, I couldn’t help but think of the countless hours Erik Larson put into researching journals, intelligence documents, and other sources in order to produce this fantastic historical work. I so enjoyed this look at Churchill, his family, and his work during his first year as Prime Minister. I wonder if we’ll have world leaders like him again someday: tenacious, hopeful, convincing, and focused on the goal: preserving freedom at all costs.
I was recommended Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin. This quick read really focuses in on studying the Bible with intentionality and purpose. I appreciated Wilkin’s point about our culture’s desire for instant gratification. We easily run to study Bibles and commentaries instead of first wrestling with the text. In my own life, I’ve found that working through my questions and concerns before I look to other sources has always aided me in the learning process. I’m much more apt to recall and apply a concept if I spend the time to slowly uncover the treasure that’s hidden there in God’s Word.
I loved these thoughts from my some of my reading over the last few months:
He [Hitler] believed that even Churchill, at some point, would have to acknowledge the folly of continuing to oppose him.... “Britain’s position is hopeless,” he told his head of Army High Command, General Franz Halder. “The war is won by us...” So confident was Hitler that England would negotiate, he demobilized forty Wehrmacht divisions—25 percent of his army.1
This new surge in morale had nothing to do with Churchill’s speech and everything to do with his gift for understanding how simple gestures could generate huge effects.1
“When I look back on the perils which have been overcome, upon the great mountain waves in which the gallant ship has driven, when I remember all that has gone wrong, and remember also all that has gone right, I feel sure we have no need to fear the tempest. Let it roar, and let it rage. We shall come through.”1
One of his key men wanted to quit and join the army. “Everyone wants to go to the front,” Goebbels wrote, “but who is going to do the work here?”1
Do you know that the word disciple means “learner”? As a disciple of Christ, you and I are called to learn, and learning requires effort.2
... the heart cannot love what the mind does not know. This is the message of Romans 12:2-3 - not that the mind alone affects transformation, but that the path to transformation runs from the mind to the heart, and not the other way around.2
There are really only two possibilities in this life: be conformed to the image of God or be conformed to the pattern of this world. No doubt, you want the former. But be warned: The Word is living and active. It will conform you by dividing you. And in the dividing, miracle of miracles, it will render you whole. We become what we behold.2
Learning to pray doesn’t offer us a less busy life; it offers us a less busy heart.3
But when something is important to us, we make room for it. Prayer is simply not important to many Christians because Jesus is already an add-on.3
Both the child and the cynic walk through the valley of the shadow of death. The cynic focuses on the darkness; the child focuses on the Shepherd.3
When Jesus prays at Gethsemane “take this cup from me,” he is being real; Christians rush to “not my will, but yours be done” without first expressing their hearts (Luke 22:42, NIV). They submit so quickly that they disappear.3
Jesus, knowing that there was both doubt and belief in the room, was about to commission this group of fearful believers to carry the gospel of resurrection life to the world.... I likely would’ve thought, They’re not ready, it’s just too soon. They need to know so much more.... They need time to mature. But in the middle of the most amazing, confusing, and gloriously mind-bending moment in history, Jesus did not hesitate; he simply said, “Go.”4
Human beings are achievers, meant to build and rebuild, to grow and expand, to uproot and to plant, to tear down and to build, to dream and to achieve dreams. But every ambition and every achievement must bow to the lordship and the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ.4
In ministry, success and failure are not a matter of results but are defined by faithfulness. Faithfulness is what God asks of us; the rest is entirely up to his sovereignty and the power of his grace.4
1The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz, Erik Larson 2 Women of the Word, Jen Wilkin 3A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World, Paul Miller 4Lead: 12 Gospel Principles for Leadership in the Church, Paul David Tripp
Happy Leap Year! Here’s my February in books. And… go!
I received Sister Bernadette’s Barking Dog for my birthday from a dear friend who knows me so well! This fun book would be great coffee table decor. As her subtitle says, Florey definitely gives “the quirky history and lost art of diagramming sentences.” I know that the percentage of people in my life who care even the tiniest bit about diagramming sits around .00002%, but I’m in love. (Thank you, Mrs. Ramsey, for being my Sister Bernadette when it comes to diagramming and grammar.) In the middle of this short read, I feel like Florey breaks away from the topic at hand, but it’s an enjoyable read overall – if diagramming is your niche.
Milton Vincent’s A Gospel Primer for Christians was a birthday present for Scott, but I stole it. Heh. I wanted to devour and savor this tiny book simultaneously. Its whole premise is that the gospel is not just for unbelievers, but for everyone. Even after salvation, preaching the gospel to oneself is necessary if abundant life is to be experienced. Some great content in this concise little read. It’ll definitely be a re-read as I continue to digest the ideas here.
It’s been hard to find books that concurrently capture the attention of all three of my kiddos. After discovering that our school library has a good portion of this Magic Tree House series, I started pulling these books because they were short and easy reads. I thought they’d be perfect for my kids’ varied age ranges/interests, but I’m actually not a huge fan. The concept of siblings visiting other times and places is all fine and dandy, but the books are poorly written and the plots are slow-paced. When I’m reading these stories, I find my mind wandering. We made it through #7, but I think it’s about time for a break.
Below: some quotes I’d like to remember from this month’s reading.
In the end, I think the important thing was not what we learned from diagramming in Sister Bernadette's class, but simply the fun we had doing it. Diagramming made language seem friendly, like a dog who doesn't bark, but, instead, trots over to greet you, wagging its tail.1
When I begin my train of thought with the gospel, I realize that if God loved me enough to sacrifice His Son’s life for me, then He must be guided by that same love when He speaks His commandments to me.2
When I see persons who are materially poor, I instantly feel a kinship with them, for they are physically what I was spiritually when my heart was closed to Christ.2
Indeed, as I perpetually feast on Christ and all His blessings found in the gospel, I find that my hunger for sin diminishes and the lies of lust simply lose their appeal.... Eyes do not rove... when the heart is fat with the love of Jesus.2
And do not suppose that this is the end. This is only the beginning of the reckoning. This is only the first sip, the first foretaste of a bitter cup which will be proffered to us year by year unless by a supreme recovery of moral health and martial vigorous, we arise again and take our stand for freedom as in the olden time.3
To conclude that Jesus was a deliberate liar doesn’t coincide with what we know either of him or of the results of his life and teachings. Wherever Jesus has been proclaimed, we see lives change for the good, nations change for the better, thieves become honest, alcoholics become sober, hateful individuals become channels of love, unjust persons embrace justice.4
Good parenting, which does what God intends it to do, begins with our radical and humble recognition that our children don't actually belong to us.5
Your kids will never be what they're supposed to be or do if they lack God-consciousness.5
God's greatest and most wonderful gift to you as a parent is himself! He knows how hard your task is....5
1Sister Bernadette’s Barking Dog, Kitty Burns Flory 2A Gospel Primer, Milton Vincent 3Churchill: The Power of Words, edited by Martin Gilbert 4More Than a Carpenter, Josh and Sean McDowell 5Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family
Typical. Just typical. The power would go out on Christmas Eve. This is the one week we have to relax and just be a family.
The dangerous thoughts spread through my mind like poison as we sat there in the darkness.
So much for getting the boys to sleep. No fan to muffle the Christmas celebrations outside. And no blanket for Noah since the washer’s locked. This should be fun.
Leyton’s whimpering snapped me out of my selfish, gloomy reverie for a moment.
“Don’t cry, buddy – Daddy bought some new candles. We’ll be able to see in no time.”
Seriously. No electricity – tonight of all nights?! And right when I’m heating up dinner…
I listened as Scott fumbled in the drawer for the matches. And the guilt settled in.
C’mon, Ang. What a horrible attitude. You’re going to be mad about a simple power outage? This happens all the time. It’s Christmas Eve. Take advantage of these moments with your babies.
The match striking against the box brought me back from my raging, internal mind battle. A small light stabbed out into the night. I paused to stare at the tiny, flickering flame in front of me.
What verse have you been drilling into your kindergartners over the last month, Ang? Could you really have forgotten so quickly?
Then I almost heard the little batey voices shouting out in unison.
Luke 2:11. For unto you is born this day…
Scott lit another candle. Light radiated throughout the kitchen.
… in the city of David…
A third flame. More darkness obliterated.
… a Savior which is Christ the Lord.
Another shining candle. Each new light drowned out more of the shadows that had been lurking in the dining room – and in my heart.
The tea lights in the living room were glowing. I looked around at the bits of brightness that had collectively served to remedy my negative thoughts. My heart was humble and full. My eyes locked on my babies sitting patiently at the table.
“Wow, boys! Look at all the candles! Now we can see!”
“See!” Leyton repeated perfectly in his sweet, high-pitched voice.
“OK – sit tight! Dinner’s coming soon.”
My leftovers-in-the-microwave-for-dinner game plan changed to a new gas-stove strategy. As I continued preparing the food, I was left to my thoughts once again.
Lord, are you really trying to teach me this simple lesson? Surely I’ve learned it by now. I know Christmas isn’t about the turkey dinners and the lights and the perfectly planned parties and the presents. I know tonight isn’t about my Christmas Eve plans complete with electricity. Or… do I?
The candlelight danced across the oven backsplash as visions of a tiny Baby in a dingy, dirty manger waltzed through my mind. And I thanked my Savior anew for setting aside His throne, putting on flesh, and willingly laying down His life. For me.