Twice a  month, I get to go to a community center downtown to read to kids.  I have so much fun hanging out with them, and it never fails – I always come back with some pretty hilarious quotes from the little guys and gals.

This past Monday, there weren’t many children there.  At first only two girls showed up – they wanted to help read the stories, so we took turns going through the pages of The Saggy Baggy Elephant and The Apple King.  There were some pretty funny comments from the girls throughout the reading time, but that wasn’t what really touched my heart this time around.

After the two girls headed off to play elsewhere, a stocky little boy of maybe 5 or 6 walked in the door.  The boy shrugged his giant coat off onto the floor and sat down slowly and shyly, barely making eye contact with me.  I asked him if he would like to read the stories, and he nodded ever so slightly.  So we went through the pages and the pictures again, laughing at Sooki’s journey through the jungle and smiling with the Apple King as he learned how to share with his loyal subjects.  By the end of the books, it was almost as if the boy’s whole countenance had changed.  For a while, he just stared off into space with the smallest hint of a smile on his face.  I could almost see his little imagination racing at top speeds as he sat there quietly.

Since Mondays are often busy for me, I usually leave the community center fairly quickly after the books have been read.  But last week, I just knew I had been given an opportunity.  I decided to quit worrying about the other things I needed to do and to sit there for a bit.  Nothing exciting or extraordinary happened – the boy and I just talked.  We discussed macaroni and cheese and fishing and my baby Noah, and we also dialogued about crocodiles and ice cream.

When I finally stood up to leave, the little boy grabbed my arm (and my heart) and said, “Can’t you just stay?”  I told him that I had to go home, but that I would be back to read to him another time.  “Tomorrow?” he asked.  I let him know we could definitely hang out in two weeks with more fun books, and he seemed satisfied with that.

I don’t know what the boy’s name was, and I doubt he thinks much about what we shared 7 days ago.  I may only see him a few more times before Scott and I move to the Dominican.  But I really hope that at least for a little moment in time, he felt the deep and infinite love of a Savior who cares for him more than he’ll ever know.

I hope that God continues to orchestrate situations so that I can give Him to others, even if it makes me uncomfortable.  I know I’m not worthy of these opportunities, especially since I pass them by so often.  I just want Him to be known and made famous because He’s so worthy!

So we’re at 20% of our support!  (YAY! and YIKES!)  We’re so glad to have our brand new supporters on board, but we know we have a long way to go if we are to make it to the field by July.

This Sunday is our commissioning service at our church here in Virginia.  I so hope that Scott and I are able to communicate our thoughts clearly and that God will be glorified through everything we say.

Please keep praying for us as we continue on this journey!

(Last year, I went on a survey trip to the Dominican with some people who were interested in coming alongside us in our ministry.  When I got back from that trip, I began mulling over what I really thought was going to be accomplished when I moved to the Dominican Republic.  Below is a blog I wrote last August about it all.  It’s funny because even now, people ask me, “What will you guys be doing when you get down there?”  Usually people want to hear the big plans we have to fix the problems.  Yes, we do have goals and ideas for carrying out our ministry, and I think that’s important.  But I also think that, too often, I make it all about me… what I’m going to do to help these people who are hungry – in every sense of the word.  Every day, I have to remind myself that any success we see while we’re living with these people does not come from my own strength or wisdom.  The spotlight is on Christ.  I’m doing what I’m doing to make God famous. It’s His story, after all.)

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Success.  What is success anyways?  So many dream of being successful – of making it to the top.  To some people, success is all about having the money and the clothes and the cars. It’s about being popular and powerful.  To have success is to be one step ahead of the next person.  It’s not about “keeping up with the Jones’s” – it’s about being the Jones’s.

Even in our Christian circles, the way success is measured can often be skewed.  Many believers look at success as an arrival. Seeing 1,000 in worship on Sunday morning. Adding that new multi-purpose center on to an already adequate gym.  Having over 80% of the congregation as faithful tithers. Reading through the entire Bible in a year.  And while none of those goals are necessarily wrong, is the completion of those ambitions in and of themselves the true essence of what it means to be successful?

When I came back from this survey trip (August 2-8), everyone asked me how it went – particularly about the VBS since I had a hand in developing the lessons.  People asked me how many kids came. They wanted to know how responsive the children were to the stories and the songs and the crafts. And, while measuring those outcomes is important on one level, I can’t help but wonder if there should be something more to my definition of how successful our trip was.

Is success based solely on the number of children who sat down and listened to our stories and skits?  Is it even found in the fact that over half of the kids “prayed” the sinner’s prayer? Were we successful because we were able to feed the entire village for a couple of days?

I guess the answer to those questions can be found in the actual word success. Success is all about the standards by which we measure it.

So what should be our measurement for success? When I came back from the Dominican, I began thinking about how I define success.  Too often, I look at the idea through shallow, temporary means. I easily forget how the prosperous people in the Bible found their success.  Although some of them were wealthy monetarily (Solomon), most of them were not considered successful because of the number of gardens or slaves or houses they owned. Instead, success was seen more in the growth of the person than in the growth of their bank account.  True success involved Esther’s commitment to living out her God-given purpose to the fullest.  Success found Joseph using his gifts and abilities and hopes and dreams to reach out to others. It was Abraham who gave everything he owned to glorify his Lord and Savior.

According to that relational definition, a modern-day success story is seen when we look into the giving heart of Oscar, one of the Dominican boys in the village of La Syria.  Instead of selfishly pushing the smaller children out of the way so he could take a turn at the plate, he made sure that all the boys were given the opportunity to play in the baseball game.

Success can also be found in Lucy, my precious friend who did everything she could to make me feel comfortable during our time in her village.  I thought I had come to minister to her, but she was the one who wiped the sweat off my forehead in the awful heat.  She was the one who told the other kids to quit mocking me when my broken Spanish made little sense.  It was Lucy who did not think twice about serving when I asked for help with the kids’ craft during the last day of the VBS.

So… was our survey trip successful after all? Perhaps in some senses of the word, it was.  But I’d rather you ask me about it again in 5 years, when Oscar is coaching baseball to young boys – showing them how to play fairly, in a Christ-like manner, and with excellence. Ask me about the success of our trip in 10 years, when Lucy is teaching in a school – giving other boys and girls a chance to excel to levels they never imagined.  When the Oscar’s and Lucy’s of the DR have made the choice to turn their country upside down for Christ, then I will know that success has occurred.

And one more thing.  Success is not dependent on seeing the end results of the labor.  I know there are times that I won’t witness these success stories lived out.  But the cool thing is… I don’t have to.  The success is not mine to have and hold.  It’s His.

It’s hard to believe my baby is practically three months old.  Noah is growing up so fast!  I can see so many changes in him in these 86 days he has been alive.  Obviously he’s more alert.  He’s holding his head up, and yesterday he rolled over!  Not only has he been gaining weight like it’s going out of style, but his little personality is starting to show itself at random times, too.  Before I know it, this kid is going to graduate from college and be ready to start his own family.  Yikes!  I’m definitely learning to treasure every coo and smile (and… every diaper change and spit-up cleanup).  The bittersweet reality is that these precious moments will soon be gone.  That’s life.  I’m just glad that God has given Noah to us for a little while.  Watching him grow up and helping him become a man of God are two of the greatest blessings I think Scott and I will ever know.

Growing up is a process that isn’t always pleasant or easy.  There is often pain involved in growing.  When I was a little girl, I remember waking up in the middle of the night listening to my brother scream because the growing pains in his legs hurt him so badly.

Sometimes, growing up is harder on other people.  For example, Jason and Pam Hilgeman (the first family from our team to make it to the Dominican) have three boys.  The other day, Jason’s Facebook status read, “Sam’s learning to do dishes now. We have two less plates as of Tuesday.”  🙂 It would probably be a lot less “painful” for their bank account and stress levels if Jason or Pam just washed the dishes themselves.  (But, of course, we all know what would happen if Sam never learned to do the dishes…)

It’s pretty evident throughout Scripture that God’s children are to “grow up.”  As Christians, we’re to change into people who are more like Christ, right?  Well, that growth is painful for me a lot of the time.  There’s a verse I ran across recently that really resonated with me now that I’m a mom.

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.  – 1 Peter 2:2-3 (NIV)

What an amazing and convicting word picture.  Now, I have never seen a healthy, normal baby without the desire to eat.  My little Noah is no different.  Every time I stick a bottle in his mouth, the kid acts like he’s never seen food before.  Lately, he’s gone to screeching quite loudly when we burp him halfway through his meal.  Once he gets a taste of that milk, there’s no going back.  If the boy is hungry, he doesn’t just roll over and go to sleep – he most assuredly lets us know what he wants!

In the same way, my goal for my spiritual life should be to grow up.  But I often find myself being lazy in my relationship with God.  Some days I put off reading my Bible, or I wait until late in the evening to say the shortest little thank you to my Father for His provision for the day.  Now, how does that attitude make any sense?!  Growing in Christ would be a lot less painful if I drank to the fullest of what He has for me.

Nothing grows without sustenance.  Just like Noah craves his bottle, I want my desire to be for that sustaining, enriching nourishment that only comes from walking daily and deeply with my Jesus.

So one of my all-time favorite stories is that of George Muller, the evangelist who started an orphanage in England with barely two quarters to rub together.  I’ve been thinking a lot about Muller’s story today… I mean, there were times when he literally had no food on the table to feed his orphans, but he simply believed that God would provide.  Not once did Muller ask anyone else for money, and not one time did those children go without food over the years!  How amazing that someone could have that kind of faith to trust God in every single facet of life.

There’s a reason that story has been on my mind so much recently. Over these past few weeks, I have been reminded just how much God’s hand of provision has been on Scott and I with all of the major changes that have been taking place for us.

First big change – we have a lovely little addition to our family!  Noah Allen decided to grace us with his presence two weeks early on August 24th.  The last few weeks of the pregnancy were a little rough for me. My doctor was pretty sure I had preeclampsia.  I never thought I would say that my excessive swelling, headaches, and high blood pressure were God’s provision for me and Noah during my pregnancy. But come to find out, Noah had a huge knot in his umbilical cord.  We don’t know how long it was there, but there is a possibility he could have been born with serious birth defects or worse had he not been delivered early.  It was because of my preeclampsia that the doctors decided to take him before my due date.  And I’m so glad they did!

Second, Scott and I felt that it would be best for me to quit working because of Noah and because we really need to buckle down on support-raising.  This decision has made things quite a bit tighter financially, but it’s amazing to me how God has provided in this area, too.  So far we have lacked for nothing.  For example, a friend from church came to Scott one day and said that God had laid it on his heart to share some money with us.  Little did our friend know that we had some unexpected bills because of the baby.  That gift took so much stress and worry off of me.  But that’s not all.  We have been so blessed by the outpouring of love and support from our friends and family.  Since Noah’s birth, our church small group has provided amazing meals for us the past few weeks.  I have been given even more reasons to praise God for His faithfulness and provision.

And yet… even with all that God has done for us, there have still been days I’ve let myself worry over the uncertainty of the future.  In order to get to the Dominican by our new target date of July 2011, we have to raise 10% of our support each month.  On top of that, I’ve been dealing with the challenges of being a new mom.  But when I really stop to think about it, I don’t know why I stress myself out.  (I mean, didn’t I just write about surrendering all this stuff to God in my last blog entry?!)  In the words of George Muller, “If the Lord fails me at this time, it will be the first time.”

I MUST remember.  God provides.  I am His.  He is mine.  He has never let me down before.  So now it’s time for me to go consider the lilies.

To learn strong faith is to endure great trials.  I have learned my faith by standing firm amid severe testings.       – George Muller

In the front office at the station, we have the radio playing in the background.  Over the months, I’ve subconsciously tuned it out since I hear the same songs and commercials and voices.  But today I felt like God had a little something special to share with me through the radio – the very thing I normally pay little attention to.

This morning it was the minute-long devotional that caught my ear.  I won’t reiterate the entire devo, but this particular author talked about being pushed toward a deeper faith. He quoted 1 Peter 1:6-7 (amazing verses by the way) and said:

In order to build your faith, God will give you a dream; then he’ll urge you to make a decision; but then he’ll allow a delay, because in the delay he matures you and prepares you for what is to come.

As God delays, you’ll face two types of difficulties: Circumstances and Critics. This is a natural part of life. God designed it this way because he knows we grow stronger when facing adversity and opposition.

That really hit home for me.  Scott and I feel like moving to the DR is the direction that God has called us.  And yet it’s frustrating when people criticize our decisions.  It’s even more frustrating not to see things progress as quickly as we’d like.  I know there are many reasons for that – we’re young.  We’re both working.  We’re not as bold as we want to be in sharing our passion.   But part of me wonders if this whole idea of God pushing us to a deeper faith in Him doesn’t have something to do with it, too.

I’ve been thinking about where I would be mentally if we were already on the mission field with 100% of our support raised.  Would I have forgotten to thank God for his provision?  Would I have thought I had gotten to the Dominican quickly because of something I had done?  The author of the devo went on to say:

When we finally come to a place where the difficulties become so bad, where we’ve reached our limit, where we’ve tried everything and exhausted all our options, it is then that God begins a mighty work through us.

I had this idea in my head that when I got to the Dominican, then I would really have to start trusting God for strength, wisdom, and provision.  But right now I’m being stretched in my faith more than ever.

Growing up, I remember going on long trips with my family.  As a kid, I obviously had no concept of distance or time. I remember asking, “Dad, are we there yet?” or “Mom, how much longer?”  It was when I finally gave up trying to count minutes or mile markers that time flew and we’d be at our destination before I knew it.

Until recently, I feel like my conversations with God about the Dominican were kind of like those questions to my parents.  “God, come on.  Why aren’t we there yet?  How much longer are we going to have to deal with these barriers and difficulties that are standing in our way?”

Patience and trust are two things that are so hard for me to exercise.  But I think it’s time that I give God control.  I want to be usable instead of trying to make my own way in life.  One of my new favorite quotes is from John Piper: “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.”

Instead of asking God the “Are we there yet?” question, I want my attitude to be one of complete trust and faith that He knows what He’s doing.

Ang